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Archive for April 7th, 2009

THE HARMONIOUS COUPLE – CASES OF HARMONIOUS RELATIONSHIPS (TODD AND CHARLOTTE) PART 2

Our respect for each other is based on other things.” Being entertainers, they also have much in common and are in agreement about most everything—politics, art, and philosophy.

Both claim that their sex life is as good today as it was in the beginning. Even better, because they both appreciate all the years of hard work each has put into the relationship. That aspect, plus their years of other accumulated positive experiences and trust, continues to enrich and intensify their love-making in a way that their initial passion did not—and indeed could not.

There were trouble spots along the way, but Todd and Charlotte worked through them rather than give up. For example, several times during their marriage, Todd had brief affairs. While another woman might have sued for divorce, Charlotte stuck with it. “I could always tell when Todd was having an affair,” she said. “He wouldn’t be able to look me in the eyes when we were having sex, and under questioning he would admit he had slept with a woman. At first I’d be pissed. Then I’d realize that Todd was a handsome man and that women were always coming on to him, and that it was only human for him to give in once in a while. I also knew that he wouldn’t have given in to temptation at all if things were good between us. In fact, two of the times he had affairs were when I had just given birth and had stopped paying attention to him. I had become almost totally involved in my child and oblivious to Todd.

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GAMES FOR ABSTINENT COUPLES – GAME 2: INDECENT PROPOSAL (PART 2)

Of course, the above dialogue could go many different ways. However, in most cases the uninterested spouse will go along with it. Even if that person has jealous feelings, he or she will want to deny them—or they may still be unconscious. The activist spouse will discuss a time and place when the rendezvous will occur—some Saturday night at a local hotel. The activist spouse will meet the suitor that evening and will return the following morning.

“Does that sound all right?”

“Fine.”

“Would you like to come along or wait here?” “Why would I want to come along?”

“Well Martin offered to let you come up to the room with us and watch.”

“That’s very good of him.” “He really is very considerate.” “Quite.”

“And about the money: He asked would you like it in cash or would a check be all right?”

“Cash would be better. Isn’t that how they did it in Indecent Proposal?”

“I believe so.”

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GAMES FOR UNATTRACTED COUPLES – GAME 3: THE LAST PERSON ON EARTH (PART 6)

These statements have all been said before by these people in one way or another, so it is not cruel to say them in the context of this game (even though it may seem to be). Verbalizing them while having sex and while pretending they are the last two people on earth gives these statements a different meaning than usual. In the past, when such insults were flung at one another regularly, these partners had to develop an emotional numbness or some other defense against them. Now these statements have come alive as though said for the first time. But this time, said with “feeling,” they lead to new insights:

“Actually, you might as well be the last person in the world, because I married you and made a vow to you.”

“Actually, this could well be the last day on earth, since we never know when we’ll die.”

“Well, then?”

“Yes, exactly!”

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GAMES FOR PERVERSE COUPLES – GAME 5: SWEET, WHOLESOME SEX (PART 2)

“Just like that?” the perverse spouse answers, surprised. “Just like that.”

“Maybe we should call up Jill and Bob and swing with them.”

“Not tonight. I just want to make love with you—simply and deeply.”

“Well, how about if we borrow Howard’s German Shepherd?”

“No dogs.”

“All right. Wait, I’ll go and get out the whip.” “No whip.”

“Then the handcuffs, at least.”

“No handcuffs.”

“What about the vibrators?”

“No vibrators.”

“Dildoes?”

“No dildoes.”

“Oh—I get it: You want to do some new role-playing?” “No role-playing.” “1 don’t understand.”

“I just want to make love to you, simply and deeply.” “Just you and me?” “That’s right.”

“How about just a little safety pin in my nipple?”

“No pins.”

“Boring!”

“Maybe.”

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GAMES FOR IMPULSIVE COUPLES – USING GAMES

I used three of these games with them, all of which at first

they found hard to take seriously. Their resistance to doing anything that would interfere with immediate gratification made them find excuses for not playing these games or for doing them only halfheartedly. The game that finally got them involved was “One-Night Stand,” since it appealed directly to their impulsive fantasies and offered the immediate gratification of acting out this fantasy. Once they had successfully played this game, they began to understand how they were blocking feelings and how those blocked feelings were causing them to need constant sexual novelty. Other games got them even further in touch with those feelings.

Eventually the games propelled them smack into the faces of issues they had been avoiding. After only a few weeks of the games, in fact, their therapy had reached a significantly deeper plane. After only several months of therapy, they decided to stay in their marriage and continue to work on their communication with each other rather than seek satisfaction outside of their union.

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